Thursday, March 09, 2006

back from dinner with my family. a really unhappy one. all of us were like tearing in the restaurant[except my father lah]. i was crying while eating. i'm really sad right now))))): this oh-so-perfect day turned into a disaster. just because of me. i'm seriously an unfilial daughter. i have such great parents and i don't know how to appreciate them. i want a hp, my mother gets me one. she goes to all the extent to get that pink phone i want. and she rushes all the way home to go out for dinner with us only to hear me say i don't wanna go. and she scolded me. i deserved it. i seriously suck. please kill me someone. then the ice cream cake. she really went all the way to make my day a perfect one. i spent like $400 just for one birthday. sickening eh. and my dad. i always scold him. when he's so nice, always sending me everywhere i want. even the other phayers know i'm a bad daughter. KILL ME PLEASE. i dunno what's happening to me. i always tell myself to be a better daughter to them. but when i see them i just can't. why?!?!? i bet many of you dunno i'm like this. i'm such a hypocrite. you should just get me out of this world. i'm nothing but just a waste of space in this earth. i'm taking up precious space with my fat ass and fat body. ah. the fat me. a piece of shit and everything bad i can think of. AHH. this seriously sucks. after this, i learned that birthday is nothing special. just a normal day where i lead my perfect life in a sucking mind, body, heart and soul.
woah. i'm struggling with 16 conversations now. anyway, i seriously have no more mood to carry on. this is my most depressing post of my whole blogging life. and yeah. can you imagine how sad i am. i wanted so badly to apologise but i just couldn't. i'm a coward, a loser. I SUCK LIKE FUCK PLEASE. SCOLD ME, BEAT ME, SLAP ME JUST KILL ME. HELP ME. nvm. i shall write a long apology letter to my mother. i seriously feel damn bad. and now the saddening thing is my mother's at a funeral[i hope it's mine] and my father went to jurong country club. i have a cake but no one to cut with. can you imagine how saddening this is? thanks for listening to all the shit i just said.

-alyssa shall die